Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we're making bets on your personal life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
