Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
