Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
