Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
