I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
