it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize