the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
