dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
