I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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