I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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