tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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