I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
