It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
