oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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