I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
