I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize