Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
