I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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