New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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