I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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