Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
