I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
