She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
