I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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