in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
