haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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