some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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