Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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