So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize