This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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