the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize