i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
