Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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