OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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