I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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