Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize