The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
