when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
