yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Farmville is her only friend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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