you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize