I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
