Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize