You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
