Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
