i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
