Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
