I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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