Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
