So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
