He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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