I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize