It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
