I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
