I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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