brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had to cum in my sink.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
