After last night, I could never be a politician.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
