i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
