pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My life is pants optional.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
