After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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