You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize