And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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