She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
