no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize