i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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