I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
