apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
