Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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