i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the liver wants what the liver wants
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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