We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are a genius and a whore.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
