Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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