do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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