I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
