you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
