I'm jealous of your bromance
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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