First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize