You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
