she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My cat gives me a boner
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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