I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
