My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
