Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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