toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
