3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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