Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
