No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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