Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
