Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
