Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
