I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
