Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
