UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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