32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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