why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
