OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
