I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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