and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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