dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
