is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
