My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
