Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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