Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
