Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
