Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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