I got chris browned last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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