i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
