When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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