Heybabeimwearingurpanties
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
