I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
