I wish I could teleport
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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