I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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