im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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