My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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