I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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