I want to stick my p in your. b.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
