rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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