Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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