we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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