wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
