You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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