I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My vagina is very pro this idea
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
