If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize