she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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