Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
